I am communicating with you to humbly request you consider my application for the post of “tongue puller” and “nipple pincher” as advertised in your latest newspaper Personals section.
I have studied the works of Jules Antoine Josat and can confirm a strong application of the “pince-memelon” does have strong, and pleasing, rejuvenating properties on both the living and the questionably-dead. I propose combining his works with that of C.A Struwe – applying the Lebenspruefer to the nipples instead of the eye and lip. I shall appraise you of my findings at a later date.
His works are much more satisfactory to myself than the dubious works of Antoine Louis and Dr P.J.B Previnaire’s et al. No benefit can be gained from smoking through ones derriere (living or dead).
I whole heartedly support the efforts of Dr. J.-V Laborde in his tongue-pulling investigations. An advanced and strenuous pulling of a patients tongue would be enough to bring anyone back to life… or at least render them incapable of complaining about their treatment. The added benefit is you may also source a tasty sandwich filling.
While my references with regard to the dead may be lacking, my own personal, and very much alive, experiences would provide invaluable expertise in these matters.
I have read and considered your request. While you are certainly qualified for the job, I'm afraid it would require relocation to our secret lair deep in the ... well, I can't tell you that. You will also be required to cut all ties with your previous life life and embrace a nun-like life of nipple pinching and tongue pulling in rotating shifts... it is not an easy life, I humbly request you think seriously before proceeding with your request. (RUN!!!)
I hope this has been of some help, and, as always, should you have any further questions, comments, or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me forthwith.
Alice a Concierge with Member Services
I shall just have to gain more experience here in England lol
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